The Day After

It's official. I have joined the desperate lonely world of online dating. My profiles on match and POF are complete with my awesome lady killer profile and cool, sexy mother fucker pics. I even filled out my hobbies which include smelling gasoline and quantum physics and my interests. I left out debating which is the better captain, Kirk or Picard, for obvious reasons. I even took their compatibility and chemistry tests so they can match me with my ideal women. Apparently she doesn't exist according to their database. Finally, my profile is 100% complete.

So what now? I guess I sit back and relax and surely wait for the multitudes of adoring woman to send me messages, winks and favorite me? How am I going to manage my time responding to all those emails and juggling two dates on a Friday night and three on Saturday? Will I have to stop playing my Xbox in order handle all these new women in my life? These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.

I was pretty busy the day after I completed my profile. I couldn't wait to get home and check my messages and see how many views I received. I got home late, fed and walked my dogs, ate a quick microwave meal, sat at the computer and logged in. The anticipation was killing me. Has my dream girl found me? Not quite. Actually not at all. My results were to say less than impressive. Here they are:

Match:
No new emails
No new winks
No new likes
No phone alerts
0 profile views

POF:
No new emails
No one has favorited you
1 profile view

One profile view! Frickin sweet! OMG, she found me. Who was this woman who found me so irresistible and sexy she just had to view my profile? Wanna see?